Many of us are getting ready to see family members whom we may not have seen in months or years. There will be stories to tell, pictures to share and presents to open.
But as you pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie, have you thought about sharing your estate plan as well?
It might not be the conversation you were planning to have around the fire, but telling your family members about your final wishes is the best way to avoid disagreements and hard feelings after you pass.
You may be thinking that a time of celebration is the wrong time to talk about anything so morbid. But the holidays may be the only time that all of your family members are in the same room at the same time. If you let this chance pass, when will you tell them?
We also find that people are afraid to discuss their plans with their adult children because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or start a conflict — especially around the holidays. But the truth is that more feelings are hurt and more conflicts arise when these issues are not discussed.
Better to get it out into the open and have the opportunity to explain your reasons while you’re alive than to leave your children wondering after
you’re gone.
That said, there is reason to be concerned about how your children will react. Your children may view the way you distribute your assets as an expression of love, power or control. So be prepared to explain why you chose to divide your assets the way you did and be open to questions or concerns.
Keep in mind that no matter what you do, you may not be able to please everybody. You may think that dividing all assets equally is the fairest solution. But one child may think this is unfair if she has more needs and the others are well off.
In the end, it’s your decision, and communicating that decision now will give your children time to accept it without dealing with the burden of grief at the same time.
Talking about your estate plan is also a great way for you to instill financial responsibility in your children. They may need some good advice on how to find an estate attorney and what questions they should ask when they do. Your example might give them the push they need to get their own house in order.
In addition to addressing your wishes as outlined in your will and trust, you should also communicate with your children your instructions for your advance directive for health care. Some wishes, such as a do-not-resuscitate order, will shock a child if his parent never discussed it. Telling your children beforehand will make it easier for them to make potentially difficult decisions if you become incapacitated.
Finally, let your family members know where your final documents are and keep them together in a safe place. Many times, final arrangements are delayed because no one knows whether the deceased had a will or other documents and, if so, where they are.
For more information about estate planning or advice on how to communicate your last wishes with your loved ones, contact a qualified estate planning attorney.
Richard Barid and Michael Smith are co-founders of Savannah-based Smith Barid LLC, which specializes in estate planning and special needs planning. They can be reached at 912-352-3999 or richard@smithbarid.com or msmith@smithbarid.com.